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And, 4) she dissembled in scoopscience a way that ultimately implied she thought I did have a fat ass. My fourth point depends solely on tone. Something scoopscience about the amount of false sympathy, coupled with snideness, sent a message stronger than her spoken performance. I know that she responded automatically; she was scoopscience probably raised to see any and all comments about women's bodies as necessarily self-deprecating. Plus, the competitive nature of the trade often makes food service workers of both sexes catty about appearances. However, such humorless denial of the differences between women's bodies only serves to uphold the same oft-derided impossible beauty standards set by popular culture. I've come up with a solution to such awkward ass-centric conversations. Next time a friend asks you if her pants make her butt look big, I suggest you respond with a gleeful, affirmative "Yes!" Go buy her a cake, find that Garafolo magazine cover on eBay, and thereafter refuse to be seen with her unless she's wearing what you should call "Those wonderful pants that make your ass look so humongous."
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