My phone was wedged strap on googlism

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My phone was wedged between my head and shoulder, and I was listening to someone drone on and on about something I couldn't give two good glistening shitlets about. Then I remembered that I owed someone else a call, and began slapping my pockets and frantically examining all the crap I was carrying, and my phone wasn't there. What happened to it?! Did googlism I lose my freakin' cell googlism phone somewhere?? Well, that's googlism just fan-fukkin-tastic! Then I realized that I was using the thing, at that very moment. Wotta douche. Yesterday I also looked down while I was standing at the urinal, and yelled, "Hurry up!!" Does anyone know if there's an herbal supplement, or whatever, that makes pee move faster? 'Cause the standard, normal velocity just ain't cutting it these days.
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