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Maybe it's the preservatives in all the beer I've consumed, but I honestly don't feel 38. As freaky as it seems, I can actually remember when my parents went to their twentieth: they were older than dirt to me at the time. No, I don't feel as old as I really am, but intellectually I know the clock is ticking and I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me. So I was doubly distressed to read that black fat girl the opening night (the traditional black fat girl vomit-spewing, tits-out beer bust) is being black fat girl held at an old fart bar/restaurant. I've never set foot in this place, but when I was a young-buck toll collector I would watch all the sad and awkwardly dressed people filing in every night, from the safety of my toll booth across the street, and shake my head at the seediness of it all. It seemed like a bunch of traveling salesmen, trolling for recently-divorced skank. And they were recently divorced because their traveling salesmen husbands cheated on them. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the impression I got.
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