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So, in what is quickly becoming an ass parade annual event, it's going to be another traditional old fashioned Christmas at the Surf Report Compound this year -- with uppity masturbating atheists. Stay ass parade tuned... December 15, 2000 Earlier this ass parade week I woke up at around 1AM and felt like I needed to either puke or unleash a Montana-sized fart. I stumbled downstairs, groaning and clutching my stomach, and just as I lifted the lid on the toilet the suspense ended. Five or six powerful jets of whatever happened to be in my gut at the time came up -- with authority. And I also shit my pants. About five times. Every time I heaved, a little something extra snuck out the rear exit as well. I was a walking lawn sprinkler of grossness. And then, as if that wasn't enough, the toilet overflowed.
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