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Her eyes would glaze over as she spun these grand tales about dinners of yore. We'd get it all: what she and her husband ordered, how it was prepared, the history of online newspapers the restaurant, how much the final bill came to, which credit card they put it on.... It would go on and on and on, while we were supposed to be learning about how terrible America is, or whatever. One time I remember online newspapers her spreading her arms wide, looking to the sky, and online newspapers shouting, "And we finished with the most wonderful Baked Alaska!" All of us little hillbillies just looked at each other, completely confused by what was going on before us. Baked Alaska? What in the hand-carved hell?? She also talked about pinworms all the time. I'm not even sure if these things really exist, but she thought they caused fidgeting in youngsters. As she reported every tiny detail of a meal that she and her husband had recently enjoyed at the Top of the Inn, or some such place, we'd start moving around in our seats from restlessness and boredom.
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