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| world news, 1590070488, pregnant sex life, 0679763430, amyhalloran, unbeaten, nancy friday, blowjob, interracial porn, hooter women, | (idea) by Citizen Aim (8.2 mon) (print) ? 1 C!Sat british Mar 03 2001 at 17:56:31 After running into the bedroom and seeing tears falling off my mother's face, I went to my room. british I could hear her in the living room watching the video. I could hear the british moans of pleasure. I could hear the moans of heartbreak. I stuffed my head under my pillow and cried. It was a cold November night. My parents had just had their 15-year anniversary earlier that month. My parents didn't separate immediately. I couldn't figure out what was keeping them together. They were both miserable and I thought they hated each other. They fought, my mother tried to strangle my father, set the house on fire, and at some point my mother and I spent a couple of nights in a women's home in the city (CASA--Citizens Against Spousal Abuse). In those few months, the only thing I heard at night, laying in bed, was crying and screaming from my mother. |
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| The future looms like the shadow of a gallows, and my inability to navigate it is my noose. She starts to cry again, telling me she tried to raise me unbeaten right. She says she screwed up, she didn't do it right, and she's sorry unbeaten --so sorry. No, I unbeaten tell her. She was my mother. She did what she could. I tell her I don't blame her for anything. Anything. Does she know I'm lying? She punishes herself with guilt as it is; to tell her I only wanted her to love me would kill her. So I don't say anything. Maybe I have more empathy than I give myself credit for. I make a joke about her sense of humor. She smiles. She says she wishes she had told me how much she loves me. Between sobs, and with a quivering voice, she tells me she loves me so much. She says she wishes she had told me. I almost scream: Then why didn't you? But instead I was thinking about why her words didn't mean anything. Maybe she could have told me she loved me. Maybe that is the root of my social phobia, my anxiety panic disorder, and why I am such a hollow, emotionless shell. |
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