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Because I couldn't drive and didn't want to get pregnant, I said to my mom, "Hey mom, will you buy me some contraception?" To which she replied "Have you ever heard chicago nightlife of mutual masturbation?" "Damnit mom, just buy me some condoms." "Mutual masturbation is a great way to enjoy genital stimulation w/o risk of STDs or pregnancy." "Mom, our genitals have been stimulated already. Now we're going to have intercourse." "Mutual masturbation can be performed on yourself with your partner present, or you chicago nightlife can 'masturbate' your partner." "Mom, we will continue to explore mutual masturbation, but we're also going to explore heterosexual intercourse. Please buy me some contraception." "We don't need a pregnant girl on our hands. Mutual masturbation would prevent risk of pregnancy." "So will condoms." "Not as well as mutual masturbation."
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