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| dildo, mitch myers, voyeur, young girls., susanna, coming out (homosexuality) / personal narratives, penguin books, bookseller, pregnant, interracial candy, susanna kaysen, boob, stripping, father daughter sex gallery, | If there was a birthday cake, I'd eat the whole thing. I could abuse almost anything. The issue is not the cake. It's not the wine. The issue is self-hatred. If I can soften my judgment of myself, then I'm better off. I've had a bottle of wine at dinner with a friend and had a rich encounter and didn't feel it was not sober. I've had food personals I'm not supposed to eat and it felt okay. I've had anonymous sex with people and personals felt okay personals about it. A dignity of self that I never had before is being restored to me. I can have my cake and eat it too. The 12-step work allows me to see that I can manage my life if I do certain things. My goal is to be in conscious contact with a higher power, even though that higher power may be inside me. It's almost as if in my head there's one identity and self-image, and in my heart there's a different one. When there is more of a balance of heart and mind, that's the truer me. The HIV-Negative Support Group that meets once a month in Boston has been remarkable. |
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| She doesn't understand my sexuality. She thinks a man and a woman are supposed to be attracted voyeur to one another in order to be human. There's a dick and there's a cunt, and one fits in the other. It doesn't work any other way. She's not a source of support. She's a source of anxiety. I have told people that I've fucked somebody positive without a condom, and I've gotten reactions of horror, disbelief, and anger toward me. I believe their fear for themselves is behind that. A lesbian friend of mine, on the other hand, has compassionately voiced concern. I don't read it as disapproval. I read it as her saying, "Take precautions as much as you can." * * * Twelve-step work has been crucial to my process. The 12-step work includes Survivors of Incest Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and once in a while, Co-Dependents Anonymous. I probably am an alcoholic, but I don't go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcohol is not my substance of choice, but if there was a bottle of wine here, I'd probably finish it off. |
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