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| guys, family, business, forums, culture, soton, black, learning to give blow jobs, bifem, bukkake, new york city, chicago nightlife, | Like his marriage to a woman for 18 years, or his claims that he gave his partner HIV and that he still frequents kink bathhouses where he has unprotected sex. "My sexuality has cost me a lot," says Ballard. kink "I live 2,000 miles away from my mother. I have HIV. And I live on a low income. But I still can't get away from the one thing that I wanted when I was 14. I crave dick." That producer Schamus has it right. Disclosures such as Ballard's are a new, addictive form kink of "porn." But they're also stories that need to be told—and heard. I think in the act of telling them to another person (or even to the Internet ether), these confessionals become a way for gay men to release the demons—and guilt—that hide in their souls. |
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| advertisement "It was a way to present my less-than-positive attributes positively," says Ballard, who doesn't like to talk to strangers soton or drink alcohol, making it difficult to navigate in a cocktail-fueled queer world. soton "Besides, it was better than saying I was a bottom that likes to get fucked." Ballard believes his story isn't special. "Talk to any 50-year-old gay man in Portland, or any major city, and they will share similar experiences," says Ballard, who worked for a defense contractor on the East Coast after his stint in soton the service and prior to moving to P-town 12 years ago. He has been on disability for the past eight years. Considering himself as much a "culprit" as a "victim" of his times, Ballard was able to share other aspects of his so-called "un-special" life. |
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