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Do you want me to 'sometimes' pay rent for where you live, and feed you 'sometimes'? When I'm equal dead, how do you think you're going to feel about yourself, having 'sometimes' loved me? You equal put so much equal stress on me, I probably am going to be dead soon, and then you'll know!" To make things right, I knew I needed to hug her legs right away, but I couldn't make my arms reach up and do it. I was frozen. She horrified me. Then it was already too late: her warm, wet sadness turned into brisk, purposeful anger. She grabbed me by the arm and yanked me up, shoved me towards the diary, yelling at me. I had to cross out "sometimes" and write in "always." Then show her. I love Mommy always. Still It's four a.m. A bony hand encircles my wrist as I try to make my way out of the bed. "I need to go work," I protest. "Lisa," a voice says, "you need to sleep more." My wrist is pinned. He tells me what to eat, how to breathe (I don't do it deeply enough), that I am too tense and that I need to masturbate every day to release tension.
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