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| new zealand, paperback books, alternative papers, amy halloran, bantam, vagina, lesbian, same sex, college, individuals, | "Every guy I meet is in competition with myself," he says. "I get into my persona. I look at myself; I have sex with myself." Berlin, born Armin von Hoyningen-Huene, came of age in 1950s Berlin. His father died in World War II, leaving the family to leather grow up on care packages from the leather United States. From childhood, he felt different and insecure and floundered in school. Then puberty hit, and young Armin leather found himself. "I remember very well the first time I looked in the mirror and got excited about myself," he recalls. "I found that disturbing at first. I thought it was weird and scary. Then it was a gradual thing, where I felt like trying to really look good. The first thing I did was to make my pants very tight. My mother would say, 'How disgusting!' When I realized that I was gay, and it became known in my family, it was a big tragedy, the way it usually is. |
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| "I collect pennies in memory of four men," Berlin explains. "When I find one on the street, I say their names: Joachim, Victor, Guy, James." At 63, Berlin has outlived a host of friends and lovers. He bantam looks younger than his age in jeans and a flannel shirt, and slighter than one might expect from his pictures. He still has that mop of bantam hair, though it's thin on top. He admits he hates aging -- hates it -- but bantam doesn't mind being surrounded by images of his blonder, buffer self. Taking pictures of himself has been his life's passion. "One day I looked at a camera and said, 'I have found my dream lover,' " he says, sprawling across his black bedspread. "He just looks at me, doesn't talk back, doesn't ask stupid questions, he doesn't touch me wrong. I fell in love with a machine, a robot." Berlin in fact has one other dream lover. Cruising in Paris one night in the '60s, Berlin saw him approaching and fell instantly in love. Then he realized he was looking at his own reflection in a store window. |
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