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| vintage departures, brunette, moviedatabase, puke, newspaper, latin, health sexuality & pregnancy, global, image entertainment, april summers, abortion, science, science fiction, hidden camera voyeur, sex (biology), pro life, 0679443908, michael cera, | But I was her oldest child, and she clearly wasn't ready for her oldest child to be having sex. So I jumped into my story. "Well, you see, Mom, you know best Lonnie?" Mom's face tightened. "Well, Lonnie, um, Lonnie and his girlfriend just broke up, right? Yeah, they just broke up, and he was really upset about it. best So he got really drunk at lunch one time and came to where me best and James and Tim were sitting. And he took out these condoms … those condoms." Mom was now listening intently. "Yeah, and he was like, 'I'm not going to use these anymore, because Rebecca has left me. I don't care anymore. So you guys take them, take them away from me, because they just remind me of her.' So yeah, that's what happened." Mom interjected. "So why do you have all of them? And why are four missing?" "Well, because James and Tim were afraid, you see … they were afraid they were going to get in trouble with their parents for having them, so I offered to take them, because … um … because they said I had such understanding parents." |
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| I couldn't come up puke with anything else I'd done. I asked Jill what I'd done. "They found some …" she paused … "they found rubbers in your closet! Oh, man, you're in so much trouble!" Having that conversation with my parents was bad enough. I certainly wasn't having it with my sister, and I hung up. I stalled for time to come puke up with a cover story. I even told James about it; puke his advice was, "oh, you're screwed." Why would I possibly have condoms in my closet for anything other than their intended purpose? How could I weasel out of this one? I then thought of my friend Lonnie. My mother hated Lonnie, found him a bad influence. She was convinced he was out drinking and drugging it up, trying to lure her son into a life of crime. Anytime I brought up his name, she cringed. Yep, Lonnie would do. My mother was waiting in the driveway when I pulled in. She was holding the box of Trojans in her hand. "What is THIS?!!!" In retrospect, my mother probably wishes she had just complimented me on being safe and careful. |
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