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| latex, sm fetish, news paper, strange news, interracial candy, arts and entertainment, teenvoyeur, dress, sexy, thong, movie theater, vintagebooks, amyhalloran, motherhood, new millennium audio, thecamera my mother gave me (unabridged), ron howard, sexually transmitted infections, mother daughter chit chat, american, | At 21 I found myself, a college dropout and a runaway, in bed with an older woman, my second sexual partner and the heterosexism first naked woman I had ever seen or touched. The differences between our bodies were staggering. Too numb and shaken to even be embarrassed or shy, I showed her what worked, how much pressure to use, what to touch, what not to heterosexism touch. She listened and learned, and gave me heterosexism similar lessons in her anatomy. And then, one night in bed, she whispered playfully in my ear: "Boy, Jude, you sure are weird." Exactly. When I boarded the plane that would take me back to the East Coast, back to the angry family and the patient university I had fled via Greyhound bus weeks earlier, I carried the knowledge that I was a lesbian. |
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| I knew I was incomplete. I could sexy see that compared to -- well, compared to everyone! -- I was numb from the neck down. When would I be finished? The "finishing" the doctors talked about occurred during my teen years -- hormone replacement therapy and a vaginoplasty. Still, the only thing that felt complete was my isolation. Now the numbness below my neck was real -- a maze of unfeeling sexy scar tissue. Judy in high school I wandered through that labyrinth for another ten years, with a gender sexy identity and desires born of those medical procedures. I began to experience myself as a sort of sexual Frankenstein's monster. Not that I was having much sex. I was incredibly inhibited about my body, the scars, the mysterious medical condition and history that I -- the patient! -- knew next to nothing about. Sexual experiences were few and far between. |
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