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Like Chris Rock, who says he chants fat lady to himself, "Please don't let it be a black guy," whenever a report of some heinous crime comes on the news, I chant, "Please don't let him sound like Junior Samples," whenever a West Virginia man-on-the-street is about to be interviewed. There's plenty of intelligent, thoughtful people in the state, but the news people seem to delight in featuring fat lady the fat lady dumbest, dirtiest shitkickers in straw hats they can find. If they can locate one with crossed-eyes, well, that's just gravy. The worst thing I've seen so far was on the show hosted by that woman on Fox, Greta, whose extreme forehead wrinkling forced her into surgery a couple of years ago, and has now left her looking like a very ugly man. There was some kind of satellite delay, and it made the people in front of the courthouse seem dumb. Forehead would ask a question and there'd be an uncomfortable pause while they heard what she'd said, and the West Virginians came off like Homer Simpson with gears grinding in his head.
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