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I'm glad. Because it's money that I can spend on all the stupid fat chick crap I want, without the pesky guilt. It's the greatest gift of all: guilt-free crap buying! And I think this fat chick will be one of my first purchases. It's a Brooklyn Dodgers cap, and it'll hopefully right a wrong that has dogged me fat chick for decades. I always liked the idea of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Of course I'm too young to remember them, but they always appealed to me from beyond the grave. They just seem like the perfect baseball team, from the perfect baseball era. I have it in my mind that all of Brooklyn was boiling over with rabid fans back then, and you could listen to the games simply by walking down the street and hearing the broadcasts coming out of every window and off every porch. I imagine the players were referred to by their first names, in the barber shops and pool halls, and Ebbetts Field was practically a church. I think the whole city was behind them, and practically lived and breathed Dodger baseball.
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