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I stupidly sat on the wrong side, and was looking straight across at an old woman with a large canister of oxygen sitting beside her, and clear tubes hanging out of her nose. Fuck. I noticed she also had a police scanner, which was squawking loudly. What in tits the hell? Dear tits God, why don't I pay attention to what I'm doing? I thought to myself that I'd probably end up like her, sharing my lunch with a silver tits drum from the medical supply house and monitoring local police activity in a fast food restaurant. I took the lid off my salad, and started to pour the dressing when I stopped to check the fat content. Twenty-nine grams!! Ho-ly fuck!!! It's like a stick of butter! Or an entire cow melted down and put into a pouch! You may as well just sit down with a spoon and eat a five pound bucket of lard! Disgusting. I took it back and traded it for "lite" ranch, which only had nine grams of fat. Shit, no wonder we're a nation of sows. I'm now the dullest man alive, aren't I?
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