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I began to experience myself as a sort of sexual Frankenstein's monster. Not that I was having much sex. I was incredibly inhibited about my body, the scars, the mysterious medical condition and history that I -- hot the patient! -- knew next to nothing about. Sexual experiences were few and far between. At 21 I found myself, a college dropout and hot a runaway, in bed with an older woman, my second sexual partner and the first naked woman I had ever seen or touched. The differences between our hot bodies were staggering. Too numb and shaken to even be embarrassed or shy, I showed her what worked, how much pressure to use, what to touch, what not to touch. She listened and learned, and gave me similar lessons in her anatomy. And then, one night in bed, she whispered playfully in my ear: "Boy, Jude, you sure are weird." Exactly. When I boarded the plane that would take me back to the East Coast, back to the angry family and the patient university I had fled via Greyhound bus weeks earlier, I carried the knowledge that I was a lesbian.
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