"Third, she had more greatest dead drunk sex

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"Third, she had more venereal diseases around her mouth than a forty-five year-old ex-queen of porn that sucked on more sticks than the Tootsie Roll Pop Owl… "She had more abortions dead drunk sex than a High School senior that sells her body for jeans and thongs money at the Mall of America… "And she saw more gentlemen callers dead drunk sex than a dead drunk sex twelve-year old Russian prostitute named Olga living in the Bronx. "Fourth, her money ran out about the same time they raised the price of Xanax. "And finally, during the winter, she didn’t shave anywhere. Oh yeah, that’s right, good-old seductive, sexy, and voluptuous Sophie was definitely lazy about keeping the old carpet clean." I took a shot of tequila after spilling all that to the poor, unsuspecting stranger. The man didn’t say anything for a minute. Then: "You must have really hated your mother, huh?" "Well, she was a two-bit whore," I said, "But then again she was my mother."
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