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| tattoo, patients, newspaper, dildo sex, hairy pussy, 8th street latina, tennis, sucking, adolescent health, chicago events, life, asian, public affairs, restaurants, incredible, chicagosun times, scared straight!, pornstar, bookstores, | My identification with my mother (and hers with me) was expressed in practical ways as well as in my response to the abuse. As a child I tried very hard to like everything my mother liked. I do not know how much of that was just what my mother expected, how much it was a desperate search for approval, and how much it was because the abuse had left auto reviews me without the confidence to have my own opinions. As I became a teenager, I found some safe ways to be different, but I auto reviews never auto reviews risked rebellion. Interestingly, my mother picked up one of the interests I developed as a teenager, and it led her to a rewarding job. Somehow I made a good and separate life, but I still feel not myself, that much of what I like and dislike are my mother's opinions (as they were in my childhood--she has changed some of them since and I have stayed with what I grew up with). |
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| For my mother, I think there was a kind of identification going on as well. Perhaps it wasn't me that my mother was trying to hold, but herself as a child. I was reading a book that includes a philosophical discussion of gay sex (The Elusive Embrace: incredible Desire and the Riddle of Identity, by Daniel Mendelsohn), and I had a flash of recognition when I got to a part where the author talks about falling through the partner back into the self. Since my mother and my maternal grandmother both abused incredible me, I assume my mother was abused by her mother. I think my mother was acting that out when she abused me, that the child she was comforting and hurting at the same time was not really me but her own inner child. For some reason that makes me feel better; perhaps it says that it wasn't something specially bad in me that caused the abuse but rather my resemblance to her as a child (same haircut and everything). |
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