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When I went back out I asked Toney my big fat obnoxious fiance about it, and she said Nancy had done laundry earlier and must’ve taken my big fat obnoxious fiance my my big fat obnoxious fiance stuff out of the dryer. “And threw them in the goddamn floor!?” I hollered, “Am I on Green Acres?” I caught Toney suppressing laughter as I worked hard to maneuver my substantial set of butt cheeks through the small hole in the side of the house, getting a bunch of black crap all over my jeans in the process. By this time I wasn’t muttering anymore, I was yelling my “motherfuckers” and “son-of-a-bitches” with much enthusiasm. I somehow got into the garage without knocking my front teeth out, and un-jammed the lock. Toney pushed the button, and the door came up. And with perfect timing, the pseudo-husband came around the corner casually munching on some of our food. “What happened?”
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