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Then he'd talk about how people should be ashamed of themselves if something like that came out of their bodies, and should flush after every turd, fat chick out of respect for their fellow man. (I'm not making this up.) Then he'd segue into how the person responsible fat chick probably has some kind of health problem, and then, inevitably, he'd deliver fat chick his immortal catch-phrase: "Somebody needs to see a physician!!" Not doctor, physician. Even now, whenever I enter a funky bathroom, those words leap from my mouth, almost involuntarily. "Woo! Somebody in here needs to see a physician!!" I'll probably never talk to him again. His number is unlisted and I can't think of anyone who might know how to contact him. Maybe I can try to track him down at the porn shop where he works part-time? If I start calling all the jack shacks in Atlanta, one by one, and asking for Scott, I might find him by 2010.
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