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know, it's my wife."And, "Oh, I dance guess the Pittsburgh people are here now."The rest of this column was supposed to be about the much-hyped Maxim party at the Max M. Fisher Center, where I was slated to work as a go-go dance dancer. But I was unceremoniously cut the day before the event. Why? 'Cause I'm a big ol' fatty fat ass.Before dance we continue, I'd like to state for the record that I'm 5 feet, 6 inches, 145 pounds and wear a size 10 — clearly a candidate for gastric bypass surgery.Several weeks ago, I was hired to work the party after submitting my photos and my measurements. The day before show time, I attended the fitting, during which my tits, crotch and voluminous hiney were subjected to the probings of a Maxim rep as she tried to pinch, push and duct tape my pasty white blubber into an aesthetically appealing shape in the skimpy stripper jumpsuit I was given to wear. (Incidentally, it was labeled a size 3X — I shit you not). Afterward, I wasn't sure whether to slip her my number or smoke a cigarette.Then
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