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There's no half-stepping at news weekly The Compound when it comes to chili, Jack; it's serious business around here. Yeah, well, it was great fun at the time, but now I'm paying a steep price. I woke news weekly up in the middle of the night, confused and briefly believing someone had dowsed my esophagus in kerosene and set it news weekly alight. Holy shit! Why would somebody do such a thing?! Did Toney finally snap because of the snoring? Goddamn!! But then I remembered... The chili. I struggled out of bed and made my way downstairs for a cool glass of milk, which I hoped would extinguish the fire in the hole. I felt like I had a self-sustaining white-hot gyroscope of energy in my gut; I sincerely believed that, if properly harnessed, my innards could heat Sweden. In the kitchen I drank the milk and as soon it hit my stomach there was some kind of instantaneous chemical reaction and I think fire actually leapt from my ass.
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