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I'd masturbate to thoughts of getting mowed down by a machine gun, or the devil popping up out of the tub drain to rip theonion av club out my cervix. I'd feared, loved, hated and needed my mother, right up until the theonion av club day I found out I could take her in a fight. From then on, all of my emotions were replaced by one big, burning scorn. I'd turn my back on her mid-sentence; I stayed out all night. I flaunted my bralessness, bruises, drug use, the dark circles under my eyes. I did what I theonion av club knew would hurt her most. And yet I missed her, missed the magical everythingness between us. I wanted to replicate it, and I did. The ketchup incident, part two I went out to eat with my mom shortly before her cancer diagnosis.
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