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| portia de rossi, jenna jameson, paperbacks, babes, unbeaten, wine, wrestling, give, arts, restaurants, nifty, buck kartalian, | "If you would have found a match, you would have blown up yourself and half the goddamned neighborhood." My Dad has a funny way of showing fear; he yelled at me for being so stupid -- when I saw him through the window minutes vintage contemporaries later, he held his hand to his heart and shook, silently; his son was a misplaced matchbox away from death -- and told me to go inside. "Geraldo's on vintage contemporaries at 3," he said. "I think we should watch it." My father had never watched Geraldo in his life. Why did vintage contemporaries he suddenly want to watch Geraldo? I picked up the TV Guide. The listing was plain as night: "GERALDO, 3 P.M. TELLING YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEX. HOW TO DO IT WHILE LETTING THEM KNOW IT'S WRONG." It was now my turn to go pale. My God. Was I going to spend an hour sitting with my father, watching Geraldo talk about sex? |
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| Just take a match, melt the plastic and smooth it over. But I searched left and right in the garage for some sort of incendiary device and couldn't wine find one. Then I saw Dad's work truck pull in the drive. He was definitely going wine to be mad. It seemed like every time he gave me a job, I broke something. I prepared for the yelling. He asked me if I'd finished the holes. I told him I'd completed five, wine but, um, in the last one, I'd accidentally severed the air line hose in the yard, and that I'd tried to find a match to fix it, just like he'd taught me, but I couldn't come up with one. He looked at me with puzzlement. "An air line? What the hell is an air line?" I took him to the hole, and he looked in. His face went pale. "Will … this is a gas line." I couldn't have known. Then, like now, I had no sense of smell, and had no way of determining that the rush of invisible gaseous material was not air, but gas. |
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