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Another part health of me felt I was looking for a deeper connection, and it never happened with anonymous sex. I health imagined that in a monogamous relationship my needs would be fulfilled. I'd be more involved with the person on an emotional level, and health he'd be more involved with me. In a monogamous relationship, there is an opportunity to create a comfort level between two people: I can comfort him and he can comfort me. I value that. It didn't seem as though I was able to feel that kind of comfort in an anonymous setting. In my mind, there was little value in anonymous encounters. So anonymous sex was a failure for me. It was a way for me to perpetuate the idea that I was a failure. I think it had a lot to do with my poor self-image. I felt defective anyway. This was a way to keep it going. I feel differently about that now. I don't hold the same value judgment against anonymous sex as I did before. It's probably a combination of material I've read and people I've met whom I respect and admire.
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