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lavender, porn, posing, service, stereotype, discussion guides, gifts, interracialcuckold, chicago alternative, kate long, threesome stories., craigs list, hilda, shocking, very young girls, health & fitness / general, newport beach, disney, pregnant, incestsurvivor rape mothers daughters effects molestation homophobia trauma, rocco movies, | I honestly vintage crime/black lizard don't remember why I used a razor that night. But as soon as I made the first cut, I loved the feeling when the blood seeped out and the cold air rushed onto the open wound and the pain was so fresh. I wanted that feeling over and over again until the pain was too much to bear. I remember thinking that I wanted to die, that no one loved or cared about me, and vintage crime/black lizard that maybe if I died, they'd feel guilty. I wanted everyone else to be in vintage crime/black lizard pain, too. Pills or anything else might've been too quick. If I died, I wanted to suffer first. That same night I broke up with John. Now that my parents knew about us, I wouldn't be able to sneak out. And if I continued to see him, my mother would press statutory rape charges. |
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Then one afternoon, he called me to have a talk, so he said. It wasn't a talk at all. He just hurled names at me, names that should never be said from father to daughter. They were names I'd expect to hear from a stranger on the street, not from any kind of father. When I'd been with John, I wasn't ashamed of having sex. To service me it was fun, a decision I'd made service for myself, a learning experience. But I did feel ashamed when my father said those service words to me. I felt dirty and guilty. I was upset because through it all, none of the names he called was "daughter." His tone and the look on his face made me feel worthless, as if he could just disown me that very moment. I felt completely alone. The First Cut Determined to erase those horrible names from my mind, I took a razor blade from the kitchen, went into my bedroom and began slicing into my arm, until I couldn't cry anymore, until I couldn't take the pain anymore, until I felt clean again. |
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