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Counseling also helped me stop blaming myself for my parents' relationship troubles. But the fact that my parents were still hurting each other made me feel sad. Therapy didn't make that go away. And because the conflict between my father and me was so intense, I still felt worthless and filthy. I continued to cut. Got High on Pain gifts When I felt depressed, it was really hard to resist cutting. I substituted the physical pain for the emotional. As crazy as this sounds, gifts I felt a little happier after I cut. I got gifts high. Then usually I'd fall right to sleep. In the morning I'd wake up, and the burning feeling in my arm would make me remember why I had to cut.
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