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| college, hidden camera voyeur, health & fitness / women's health, arts, bulls, bikini babes, uk, father daughter incest, bookseller, amateur voyeur, sex (biology), a, illinois, | The shame I have today that I'm still working through is that I don't know whether I wanted it, whether I wanted to go back into the womb. But I have the feeling that I was being manipulated, that I was being used to take business care of my mother in some way. I was estranged from my father and heard terrible things about him when I was young. I believed them, because very often he was drunk. He had alcohol business for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All I business remember is his anger. And being a little fairy, and hearing him express that. As a little boy, my sisters used to play with me like a little toy. They would paint my fingernails and put me in their hoop skirts. I loved the petticoats. I got off on it. It was okay for them to dress me up and paint my fingernails, but when it became clear I was getting into it, then I was called a fairy. |
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| I have been very drawn to people who look rough, college like horny heterosexual construction workers or homophobic athletes who want a blow job. There's a college thrill in that. I think it's about abuse, about being bonded to one's abuser. In a strange way, I feel a person finds me attractive if he abuses me. In my family, there was always a need for me to please others, because if I didn't, I would get college punished. I got punished anyway, but I thought I needed to please. Because my parents' marriage was arranged, and because of conflicts between my mother and father, and because I was the only male child, I was placed in the position of surrogate husband to my mother. My part as a child who wanted to please was to be her caretaker from a very young age. There was what I consider sexual abuse: I remember sleeping with my mother, us being naked, and there being genital contact. |
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