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I've experienced a lot of biography despair in my life and a biography lot of hopelessness. Being HIV-negative means to me that I'm going to be alive for a while, especially if I have safer sex. * * * One part of my love of sex is swallowing cum. I feel as though the person -- their seed -- is inside of me, even though I'm not going to have a baby. It's valuable. I don't know if it's tribal, ancient, or what, but I think it's important to be able to drink another man and have him drink you. My very first lover fucked me, and as he was coming, he said, "My seed is in you for eternity." I felt a warmth of love when he said that, and when I fucked him, I said the same thing. There are times when I want cum so badly that I fantasize going to a straight man who is uninfected or a gay man who is uninfected and asking him for his cum. Like going to a sperm bank and asking, "Can I borrow some?" I have fantasies about getting cum from a 16-year-old kid who has never had sex.
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