It's like I'm ripe: homo amateur voyeur
college, hidden camera voyeur, health & fitness / women's health, arts, bulls, bikini babes, uk, father daughter incest, bookseller, amateur voyeur, sex (biology), a, illinois, If I were positive, I would have to be identified with a different group. There are support groups for positive people, but I would miss the people in our group. * * * homo I don't know what it means to be a survivor. It's a mystery to me why I'm still here. I don't know what the hell this is all about, to begin with. I want to learn more about the spiritual transformation or awareness that has been a part of the AIDS epidemic. homo A lot of times in the gay community there is homo a cult of beauty and youth that looks only at the outside. That's okay for some people, and it's okay for me sometimes. I don't deny that I am attracted to young men with great bodies -- or older men with great bodies, even. But I'm also seeing other things. That inside stuff is what I feel is a lot more valuable. I place a value on it. I have a friend who has AIDS right now and his body is covered with giant Kaposi's sarcoma lesions.
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It's like I'm ripe: it's time for me to start talking about things that really matter to me, and that's where I talk. I don't always feel I'm understood. People sometimes try to give advice when it's not asked for. There's "cross talk," as amateur voyeur we say in 12-step programs. I learned a lot from the 12-step stuff about amateur voyeur giving and receiving. There's a trust that develops in a group of people who come consistently. They begin to see that they can rely on the other people there. The people I rely on are the people who show up regularly. That's a form of service. Not only am I giving, but I am also receiving. If I seroconverted, would that mean I couldn't come back to the HIV-Negative Support Group? That has been a real fear of mine, because I haven't been tested since my risky activity in January and February.
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